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Today |
.Finally, something worthwhile to write about. I recently learned that I can screw the university out of free units by participating in one of those new-fangeled "internships." The political science department will be bestowing upon me delicious upper-division elective credit if I spend a few hours a week getting coffee for an alcoholic corporate-type with a wife whose got a problem with pills. Fantastic. Now, I'm a pretty lazy guy. Unfortunately for me, the department expects me to seek out the internship. Crap. Well, they do post a list of local establishments known for giving out internships like drunk hookers who give out BJs. Heck, I like sluts ... I can be a corporate slut. Well, liberal arts students have a tough time marketing their degree, as you might imagine, so I have a very limited choice when it comes to professional employment. So I asked myself, "What's the one field where a retarted heroine addict with a labotomy can make a pant-load of money?" The answer, of course, is the media field. So then I went back to my intern list and sure enough, the letters KSBY looked back at me in all their capitalized glory. Better still, it's a Fox affiliate. Well, shoot... So I called up the news director/anchorman. Everybody, Anchor Man. Anchor Man, everybody. He wants me to send him a resume. I not only send him a resume, but a kick-ass cover letter. He calls me the day he receives my post. "Christopher! Anchor Man, KSBY Action News. How are you doing today?," he asks me in a velvety, anchorman drawl. "Oh! Hi Anchor. I'm doing great, thanks." Fuck, should I have called him by his Christian name, fuck. "Chris, I want you to come down and fill out an internship application so we can schedule an interview. Can you do that for me, Chris?" "Sure. Right away Mr. Man," I respond. I'm unable to break the hypnotic trance the anchorman velvet has induced. I filled out an application yesterday, and I get a call from Anchor Man today asking me to come in for an interview on Friday. Suh-weet. Fuck I'm bad at interviews. I'm not a guy who likes to be put on the spot, and I almost always say the wrong thing. For example, in an interview a year and a half back ... INTERVIEWER: "Hi Chris, it's nice to meet you. Can you tell me a little bit about yourself?" ME: "Can I have sex with your daughter?" INTERVIEWER: "Uhhh, my daughter's 7, you sick piece of human refuse. ME: "I'll see myself out." So I really hope I can keep it together on Friday ... because I really want this internship. If I get this internship then I'll only have to go to school two days a week. Oh, that'd be soooo fuckin' cool. I think it'll work out.
It's insane, this guys taint - 2004-12-07 |